I haven t been very active here lately and this is simply because i didn’t want to write my blog anymore. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t write at all- on the contrary- I wrote a lot and my manuscript is almost done. Like for real now! 🙂 But I got really bored of this blog and if I am already bored writing it- how must you be bored, reading it?
Anyways, I decided to get active in this blog again, also because I didn’t like my last entry. Maybe you know this kind of feeling, if you produce something, no matter if it’s music, art, design, whatsoever. One day, you feel like you achieved and created something really good– then you sleep over it and the next day you ask yourself:
„What the f*** is this?“
I’ve heard that a lot of people struggle with these things, but I really do have the opinion that this is the red thread in my life. I am the kind of person who changes her opinion every 5 minutes. I even think a housefly has more endurance than I do. This really annoys me at times. How can I be super passionate about something only to call it „past“ a few moments later. This may mean, I will never be able to calm down and relax and be simply satisfied and happy and in peace one day.
I’ve spent the past two days on a farm, away from civilisation if you want to call it like that. I had no internet, the big old farm house (I think a few hundred years old) is still to be heated with wood and I ate only products which were self made or self slaughtered. As you know me, I went there with the idea that I will solve my problem of being inconsistent and come back with a stable plan of what I want to do with my life, but what should I say? I gained 4 kg, slept more than 24 hours but I definitely had no plan when I sat on the bus back to town. Still, I was a lot calmer than before.
One might say now, that is, because I had eaten and slept so much and this „one“ could be right, but also I gained a new perspective on my „problem“ if you want to call it like this.
My ability to always change my direction could also be an advantage in life. I am definitely able to cope with new happenings. My interests may be short term, but at least I never have to be afraid of having no interests at all.
Also I’ve realised that I am very constant with the most important things in life.
I have been writing my whole lifetime, since I’ve learned the first letters, and I have worked on my manuscript for over two years now. I sometimes joke that I will write one book after the other if necessary until one gets published, but honestly- that is definitely no joke and I will continue writing then as well.
At the end, i might not be the most consistent person in my decisions, moods or interests. But I can trust in myself that I will always commit to the most important people or things in my life.
I might be living in various countries, maybe move around in a caravan with my own family, maybe have my own farm one day, perhaps live in a big city, have five children or only a dog, have one husband or many (*just-kidding*), but I can make as many plans in life as I want, it may always be totally different from what I had planned for myself so in the end, it’s a good thing, that I am able to change really quick and deal with new circumstances. Let’s call it „flexibility“. And the good thing is:
I will always find new ways to create happiness in some way.
I don’t know if I will continue writing this blog. I might- or I might not- we’ll see.
At the beginning of this post, I said that I am bored. But I’ve changed my opinion during writing it. (surprise)
One thing is for sure:
It will never be boring (at least not for me ;))
Have a nice evening. Vera Vis.